Interview with a 2-month old

Today is Ava's two month birthday. Before I got pregnant and had a child, I thought people who noticed/celebrated their child's "month" birthdays were ridiculous. I am now a ridiculous parent. To that end, here is an interview I had with Ava today in commemoration of her 2-month birthday.

Lauren: Thanks for sitting down with me today, Ava.

Ava: Oh, no worries. I had a break in my schedule so, you know, it's cool.

Lauren: So Ava, what have you learned in the first two months?

Ava: Hmmm, that's a toughie. I mean, if I cry, I get held. If I smile, I get held. If I sit there and look pensive, I get held. So that's fun.

Lauren: What did you do to celebrate your two-month birthday.

Ava: Oh, it's a hoot. I played the biggest prank ever on my mom and dad. I slept for TWELVE HOURS last night.

Lauren: That sounds pretty cool to me. How is that a joke?

Ava: Wait, I was still getting to the punchline. Tonight I'm going to pull one of my favorite acts. I'll pretend to fall asleep and as soon as they put me down, my eyes will pop open and I'll scream.You know, just to keep them on their toes. It's so hilarious!

Lauren: Umm, great joke. Ava, how do you stay so grounded with all the attention you get?

Ava: It's a balancing act. I just try to remember where I came from and get back to my roots every once in a while. I just don't want to get too "Hollywood", you know?

Lauren: Good advice for your young fans out there. Question: when are you going to actually accept some tummy time instead of screaming and crying and making your parents feel bad?

Ava: Why would you even ask that? This interview is OVER! (storms out of room)

*At this point in the interview, Ava stormed out and Lauren was left with her tape recorder in hand, wondering where she went wrong. She hopes to garner another interview with the young starlette next month.