Magical Mila

Long ago, in a land far away, like way out in Aurora, Sybil Trelawny had a prophecy. Nattering on about tea dregs and glass balls, she suddenly dropped her pumpkin scone. Her voice deepened unnaturally. "For two girl wizard children shall be borne into a family of muggles. Mostly the dad will be a muggle. The mom will be pretty awesome and magical. Anyway, the first shall be named Ava. She will be willful and walk on the tips of her toes for years, leading to insanely strong calf muscles. She will enjoy bike riding and lining up her toys in orderly rows, and eat three bananas a day. Two years later, another child shall follow, this one named Mila. She shall be tall and stout and smile at every person she meets. Her double chins will bring nations to their knees. The smell of her gas will cause her mother to gag. So mote it be". Sybil Trelawny shook herself as her voice returned to normal. "Now who wants to make a Chipotle run?", she asked. "I'm starving". 

-Modern Day-

Hi. I'm Mila. I just finished reading the Harry Potter  series and the comparisons to my life are....uncanny. When I woke up from my (20-minute) nap this afternoon, Mom chronicled my adventures. 

Yes. Why do you look so surprised? Not everyone can be a goody-two-shoes Gryffindor and, frankly, I think the Sorting Hat made a major mistake when they placed Ava in the Big G house. I mean, have you met her? She's scared of her own shadow. And our credo?

Or perhaps in Slytherin,

You'll make your friends. 

Those cunning folk use any means,

To achieve their ends. 

Sound like any almost-three-year-old you know? Plus, also, I'm totally the cutest one in house. 

And, like most 8-month olds, I speak Parseltongue, so there's that. 

Psssss-thsakjs-looooth--sssssssa

"I peed my pants"

Now let's try some spells!

These toy animals are ok, I guess. They're just really tiny, even for a miniature person like me. They need to be....at least....three times this size! 

*Boom, I threw a Zoolander reference in there*

Engorgio!!!

It worked. I can't believe it actually worked. 

Hmph. What am I going to do with one gold galleon? I can't buy a lifetime supply of pacifiers and hair gel with this. 

GEMINIO! (Oh yes, Mila knows the multiplying spell, which she had to look up on Wikipedia)

I'm just checking the authenticity of these galleons. You can't be too careful these days. I hear Gringotts had a break-in. Not that I'd know anything about that...

Boy, I'm sure enjoying sitting on the couch. I'm up high, mom's down low. But...I feel so lonely. Ava's napping. If only I had someone to keep me company up here. I feel a strange presence, though. Almost like someone is shielding herself from me. I smell horrific gas and puppy breath....

Homenum Revelio! 

I'm never far, Mila. I'm always waiting for a spare puff to drop from your lap, or mango juice to drip from your chin. My precious....

*Boom, slipped a Hobbit reference in, too*.

True to my Slytherin tendencies, I'm feeling a little destructive. 

Diffindo!

I feel like I'm making up spells just for the sake of it now! Almost like someone made a list and set me up to carry out her wishes. But it couldn't be. No one would dare incur the wrath of The Chosen One (or Two). It may be time to wrap this up. 

I bid you adieu, fair Muggles. Myself and my hippogriff must be off. I have a feeling one day I'll be back, this time united with my sister as we face a Wizarding challenge. Like potty training. 

Until then, feast your eyes on these chubby cheeks which are magically delicious. 

The End. 

P.S.- I'm 8 months old and awesome.